What is my purpose?
God, what is my purpose?
GOD! I know you hear me I’m asking you what is my purpose???
This is common one-sided conversation I have with my Father. Don’t get it twisted, I’ve come a long way and I thank God for that almost daily. But now I feel stuck, worthless and useless at times, trust I know I’m not. The reason I said this is because if all my needs were met and money wasn’t an issue I still have no clue what I would want. Then other times I want to do it all, anything my mind can come up with I believe I can succeed but I usually don’t know where to begin. But successful at what? I’m so busy just trying to maintain, suffering from that ‘rat-race disorder’ I lose little of myself and my passions/focus and now it’s to the point I don’t even know what my passions are, so again I ask my Father
What is my purpose? I know You have one for me, what is God? Come on Daddy give me a hint.
By this time I’m crying and laughing and counting all my blessings. Thankful He brought me through so much painful bullshit that I can now laugh about. But the question remains
What the *bleep* is my purpose?
Oh yeah I talk to my Father the way I would talk with my mom as a matter of fact I’m more candid since He’s all knowing. (I wouldn’t dare swear at/around my mommy but I try to be as frank as possible) There’s is no point in me praying in Old-World English since I definitely don’t talk like that. But I should try an experiment one-day and literally talk in the way most people misconstrued prayer. Anyways….
Obviously I’m getting frustrated by this time. Because He won’t answer me or so I think. The reality is God has been working on me slowly mainly because I keep throwing a monkey-wrench in what He has in store for me but thank goodness He is patient and loves me unconditionally.
Sometimes in my dark, lonely hours have a yearning for God to manifest, like when He did back in the day when He come to Earth as Jesus. But I need that now, I know He’s with me always but God I literally want a hug, a pat on the back, comical facial banter.
So to help me with my desire for God to be tangible I use the creative and wonderfully imagination He has blessed me with.
Cut to my imagination
Jesus Junior aka JJ is the realest bluntness baddest mofo around, kind of remind me of myself except for one key thing He’s God, He does no wrong, He’s that friend you have that is the voice of reason, He’s that person that tells you the truth about yourself, He’s that friend that doesn’t drink or smoke but chilling without Him the mood isn’t the same, He’s the HNIC, He’s oh so calm, cool, and collected. Imagine if you will: You and JJ walking to the bodega to get some snacks and you see that fine-ass man
‘Yo JJ. I’m about to try to holla at that fine specimen over there coppin that Mucho Mango Azorina, it must be fate cause You know thats my favorite Azorina too’
JJ: Really!?! Girl, you already five kids by six different niggas do you really think you should be looking at another mofo? Why don’t you put that focus and energy of becoming a better person, a better mother, a better daughter??
‘Whatever JJ, I’m shit that’s why you kick with me. I am good person, mother, and daughter.
JJ: You are distorting my words I never say you weren’t good, I said become better. What has your boy crazy antics gotten you besides five beautiful children and heartache??? Seriously! When are you going to realize your full potential, you have way more to offer than leasing out your body for a few humps, which in hindsight was probably wack. Me as your bff sees greatness in you but when is your dumbass going to see in yourself?? Damn, you are the smartest dumb person I know. But you what they say ‘you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink’
As you walk out the bodega without talking to the fine-ass man. Hating the fact that JJ is always right and loving His straightforwardness at the same damn time.
This is how God and I would communicate if He were here in the flesh. This is sample of my talks with God go now.
So it’s aggie when I ask what Him what is my purpose is and it feels like He is straight ignoring me, because He is has answered me a many of times. It’s cool though G, two can play at that game I’m just going to keep asking and asking and asking and asking and asking and asking and asking